Feelings That Never Faded
by Dark Zero 1718
Summary: Lelouch fell in love with a beautiful red-haired girl named Kallen Kozuki. But, his feelings for her disappeared when he found out that she's already dating Gino. After a whole week of trying to get the pain out of his heart, he soon realized that he was still in love with her. And when Kallen and Gino broke up, will Lelouch be the one to replace him as her boyfriend? *AU. No war*
1. Chapter 1: She Caught Me Again

**FEELINGS THAT NEVER FADED  
By: Dark Zero 178**

A/N: Hihi! This is my first romance story! Please be nice. Thanks :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Code Geass! :P

Have fun.

* * *

_**Chapter 1: She Caught Me Again**_

Lelouch POV

It has been a week since my feelings for Kallen Kozuki disappeared from me. You may wonder what happened. So this is how it all went..

It all started on my first day in Ashford. When I first saw her, I began to have feelings. Feelings that I can't seem to identify. Everytime I saw her passing by, my hands began to feel wet and my spine frozen, like ice. The next time I spotted her, I started to feel the tension again. At first, I was really confused. Soon, I finally figured out.

I'm in love with her. Its' a little bit weird for a guy like me to say this but, I actually LIKED it. The feeling of having a crush on a beautiful woman like her.

I often looked at her everytime she's in the same room as I'am. She goes to every class I attend and she sits just right in front of me. I'm totally crazy about her that time. I took pictures of her everywhere. Even if she wasn't looking, I still wanted a photo of Kallen. I practiced my confessions a million of times, every night. Not only that, I studied harder to make myself smart enough for her. I would do anything to make her my girlfriend.

When the day has finally arrived to confess my true feelings, my eyes met the most heartbreaking scene.

She was dating with Gino Weinberg.

Gino was a good friend of mine. He's a good guy but..seeing him dating Kallen is just so..painful. I sacrificed a lot of time, studying hard for her. I wasted my nights, practicing romantic lines,to let her know how much I wanted to have her. I loved Kallen Kozuki. But Gino took her away, leaving all the things I've done for her go to waste.

I was really pissed off. My heart was shattered into pieces. I want to tear my hair off in frustration. I didn't do anything, but ran away with tear-filled eyes. It took me days to move on. But now, I'm okay with it.

Right now, I'm just walking on the school hallways. Being normal as usual. I entered my homeroom and sat on my seat, near the window. _Mondays sucks sometimes. _I thought as I looked out from the window. _Kallen goes to the same classes as me. But who cares? That doesn't matter anymore._

"Thinking about her again?" Suzaku, my seatmate and best friend teased.

"Nah, not anymore. I got tired of it.." I answered.

"Are you sure? You're crazy about her! How come you got tired of it?" he asked in disbelief. I didn't say anything. Because I don't like the answer of it.

"Something happened, didn't it?"

I was caught off guard. He's digging for answers. "Yes.'' I simply replied.

"What happened?"

I'm not really proud of it, but I chose to tell him anyway "She..has a boyfriend. And that guy is Gino." I can feel tears on my eyes. But I'm not gonna let them flow. Not right now.

"I see..that could really hurt. Are you okay right now?" he asked again.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Who needs a girl? I'm happy to be single!" I faked my smile.

"You do. And you're not okay. You have a fake smile and I knew it." Suzaku told me.

I broke the false smile I was putting on and admitted the truth "Fine. I'm not okay. Even after a week." I said. I mentally hit myself _Great, I felt like my mind is rewinding to that scene again thanks to my big mouth._

Then, the teacher walked right in.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

I sighed heavily as I scribbled down notes for the lecture. For the past few minutes, all I can think about is Kallen. I really didn't pay attention at what the heck is our teacher explaining. What's on my mind is her. Just her. Nothing else.I tried to turn my eyes on her, but I don't have the courage to do so. I focused on writing again. Yet, I want to stare at her.

After a few more minutes, class was finally dismissed. I exited the classroom and walked in the hallways to find my locker. As I was grabbing my Math textbook, I peeked out from the door, and saw Kallen hanging out with Gino. I'm not eavsdropping, but I can hear what they are saying clearly.

"Its' going to be a star night this Friday." came out the voice of Gino. "I hope you're free. So we can watch it together."

"Yeah, sure! That would be great!" Kallen replied in excitement.

"Cool, so I'll see you there?"

"Yup."

Before Gino left her, he kissed her on the forehead. Which made a piece of my heart die. Kallen walked passed me and I closed my locker a little bit too loud.

"Love hurts." I muttered bitterly, under my breath.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Why did I ever fall in love with her in the first place?" I asked myself. I passed by a restaurant and heard a bunch of ladies talking about the star night thing on Friday.

"I'm excited about the star night this friday! I'm totally going with my boyfriend!"

"Oh really? Me too!"

"Its' going to be a romantic night.."

I walked faster. Their conversation is only making me feel more worse. _If only I can see it with her..wait, WHAT? No,no,no. Stop it. _Am I really over it?

The next thing I saw, are couples holding hands. They were facing each other, with smiles on their faces. _I wish I could see her smile at me..IDIOT! WHAT AM I THINKING?!_

This time, I ran. I don't want to see another couple making out or whatever. _No more couples! I can't take it anymore! Though I still want to watch the star night with her , this friday..STOP thinking about her!_

When I finally escaped the last street, I sat down immedietly on the nearby bench _Lelouch,you idiot! _I scolded myself mentally. _Falling for the girl who won't be yours! Do you even have a brain? Or you're just plain bad? _I stood up and walked away. I was a barely aware of anything now. All I can think about is Kallen. Nothing could barge in my brain now.

Suddenly, I bumped into someone. I was snapped away from my deep thoughts and apologized quickly. "Woah,woah. Sorry about that!" My eyes widened as I saw a familiar red-haired female that I used to like.

It was Kallen.

"No, its' fine. Don't worry about it." She said. I stared right straight into her sapphire blue eyes, making my spine to freeze and my hands to feel all wet. This was suppose to be the time I should introduce myself and confess my true feelings for her. But its' too late for now, she already has a boyfriend. And I can't take her anymore.

"Um,excuse me?"

I was slapped back in reality and smiled shyly, even if I can feel my melancholy forming inside me again. "Oh, its' nothing. Sorry about that."

"But you were staring at me. Is something wrong?" Kallen asked curiously.

"No, uh..its' nothing. I-I was just t-thinking about something. I know..I-I'm weird." I stammered.

"Uh..okay. I'll see you then." She said as she left.

_Weird encounter..ugh, there I go again, saying pretty words! Sometimes it sucks to be me!_ I feel like punching myself..

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

When I reached home, I slid down the door once I closed it.

This sucks. Love can be really unreasonable sometimes. I hate to say this, but I feel like I want to fall in love with her again. Give her a second chance. Should I really forgive her after enslaving myself in such things for how many weeks?

Is there still a way I can make her my girlfriend?

I can't belive it.

**She caught me again..**

* * *

**TO THE BLONDE X RED HEAD HATERS ( If you know what I mean ), DON'T SUE ME YET! SOMETHING WILL COME UP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, I PROMISE! NO FLAMES, NO FLAMES PLEASE!**

**UNTIL NEXT TIME! :P**

**~Dark Zero 1718**


	2. Chapter 2: Heart Or Mind?

**To those who reviewed, you guys are AWESOME! Thank you! To the followers: You guys are AWESOME TOO! Arigatou gozaimasu!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Code Geass. -_-**

**Enjoy :-)  
**

* * *

_**Chapter 2: Heart Or Mind?**_

_In a place so peaceful, we stared at the beautiful night sky. It was filled with bright glimmering stars. And the moonlight __shone before us. As I stared into this, Kallen was leaning onto my shoulder. A smile painted on her face and mine._

_"Isn't it beautiful, Lelouch?" Kallen asked dreamily "Watching the star night with you.."_

_"Yeah, it is.." I said as I rested my head on hers. "And you as well.."_

_"You know, I never actually knew true love, until I met you.." she said._

_"Me too." I answered back. Kallen raised her head and stared into my eyes, with a warm smile. I looked right into her bright blue orbs._

_"I love you, Lelouch."_

_"And I feel the same way for you too, Kallen. I love you."_

_Then, we both kissed under the stars._

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

I awoke from my slumber, feeling strangely weird. It was only a dream. I was sitting under the stars with Kallen. And we ended up kissing each other. _What a dream.. _ I sat up and scratched the back of my head. I took a peek at the clock and it reads...7:45?!

"GAH! I'M LATE FOR SCHOOL!" I exclaimed and jumped off my bed for a shower. Afterwards, I brushed my teeth and got into my school uniform. I grabbed my bag and dashed downstairs for a quick breakfast.

After breakfast, I headed straight to the door "BYE MOM!" I called out.

"Okay, dear. Next time, can you wake up early so you wouldn't be rushing like this?" She asked.

"SURE THING! LOVE YOU!" Then, I exited the house.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

I ran through the streets as fast as I can. I'am low on stamina, but I'm totally late and I need to hurry. I finally reached the school gate. I entered and began to go towards the main building. I searched for my homeroom in the hallways. I saw a sign on one of the doors. **Room A-24**

_That's it! _ When I went inside, there were already a lot of students on their seats. But the teacher's table is empty. _Good, the teacher's not here. _I sighed in relief and headed to my seat. I noticed Suzaku isn't here yet. He's late, I guess..

Our advisor, Mrs. Viletta Nu, walked in the room after a few minutes. " Quiet down everyone." she said as the silence strucked the classroom. "I just got a call from Suzaku's father this morning."

"Something happened to him Mrs. Viletta?" Rivalz asked, who's sitting right behind me.

"According to him, Suzaku has a high fever. And he can't attend school today" Mrs. Viletta said "Who is attending the same classes as him?" she asks. The silver haired guy, named Rai, raised his hand.

"I do, Ma'am" he said.

"You have to make an excuse for the teachers okay? And you are also assigned to tell him what lessons he missed today."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Rai sat back down and class started.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

This is bad.

I was suppose to ask Suzaku some suggestions on how to give a second chance to the ones who let you down today. He told me that he experienced heartbreak before and recovered somehow. But he's sick today and I can't just call him that easily. My eyes averted to Kallen, who's having a conversation with some girls. She's seriously beggining to cling to my heart again. And we even kissed in my dream...Its' obvious that I'm falling for her again. Heck, if I were to claim Kallen as my girlfriend, Gino will chew me out for being a 'girl thief' or a 'love criminal'. I need suggestions, Suzaku is the only person who has the tip.

I took out my phone and dialed his number. _Sorry buddy, I need to disturb you for a little while._

I was expecting Suzaku to answer. But instead, a man's voice came out.

_"Yes?"_

When I heard his voice, I really didn't recognize.

"W-who's this?" I asked.

_"Come on, Lelouch. Don't you remember me?"_

It came back to me. The one who answered was the guy's father.

"Oh right! Sorry sir!"

_"Now you seems to be the problem?"_

I cleared out my throat "May I speak to Suzaku for a while?"

_"Sorry. He's asleep for now. And he barely has the energy to talk."_

"I see. But when he wakes up, can you tell him to contact me?" I asked him again, trying not to sound desperate.

_"Well, it depends on his condition. But I'll see."_

"Thank you very much. Bye, sir."

_"Goodbye, then."_

I hunged up and sighed heavily before heading to my locker.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

After all classes have ended, I loafed around the school campus, I heard cries coming from behind me. _Who was that?_

I turned around and to my surprise, I saw Kallen sobbing on her own at the bench. What happened to her? Is she hurt? Is she broken hearted? I don't know. Seriously, what really happened to her? Gino is her boyfriend. Isn't he suppose to comfort her? In fact, I didn't see them hang out after class. They always do that every after period. I took one step forward, intending to comfort her.

However, I don't think I'm really enthusiastic about the idea. _No, I musn't interfere. _Because whenever I think of her, stare at her and dream of her; which happened just now, I feel like I'm betraying myself. My mind says that Kallen is still going to be my girlfriend. My heart denies it and says to stop loving her because she hurted me once. Let her be just my friend.

I don't know what to do or what to follow. My heart or my mind?

But, I can't stand seeing her like this! All alone, crying.

_Quit being a loser! She needs somebody to get herself out of the dark, and it is you! So get your glued feet off the ground and go wipe away those tears in her eyes! Yet...I'm not quite sure. Kallen DID break my heart._

I looked at her again.

_I really can't stand her..I'm doing it!_

I walked to her direction and sat beside her. "Is..something wrong?"

Her voice hitched. She looked at me with teary eyes "L-Lelouch.."

_She knows me...Ah,right! We introduced ourselves on our first day! _"Kallen, please tell me what's wrong." I said.

"Will you not tell anyone?" Kallen's voice was raspy from crying.

I nodded "Trust me."

"Okay." She said. "You know Gino? I know you do, because I often see the both of you hanging out."

"You mean..Gino Weinberg?" I asked her.

"Yeah."

''I know him"

Kallen's eyes began to produce more tears

"H-He was the person...I loved..And then...he broke up with me..because he's not yet ready to love...what is the use of his feelings for me..if..if..his heart is not really up for a relationship? It only results in one..painful thing: He TRICKED me. He smashed my heart, Lelouch! Gino..the man I wanted to grow up with..is now out of my life! He left memories that weren't actually real..right here!"

Her words..it was unbelievable. Cheating on love..that isn't like Gino at all.

"Kallen..I'm sorry to hear-"

I was cut off when she suddenly sobbed on my shoulder.

"Tell me what to do!" she cried "How to move on..please, Lelouch..help me.."

My mind began to travel back in the past. Before I found out that Kallen has a boyfriend, before my 1 week misery and depression. Back to when I had my first feelings for her. I loved her dearly. But she doesn't know. She broke my heart. And she doesn't know. There are so many things, I wanted to tell her. But my heart still refuses to have her. I did a lot of things, but it was thrown away. Now that they broke up, is this my chance to make her my girlfriend?

No, not now. She's just gonna be my friend for now.

I placed a hand on her head "Its' okay..you can cry it all out..I won't leave."

_Kallen,I'm sorry. You're just gonna be my friend. I can't replace Gino for you. I love you. But you shattered that love and you don't know how hurt I'am inside. I forced myself to do things for you. But the efforts were wasted when I found out you are taken. A week has passed, you caught me again. You made me fall for you for the second time, while my heart stays half-broken. I don't know what to do, either to love you or to avoid you._

"You have to move on.."

_However,if a heart is injured, the mind can't agree with it. Because it will only act as true love. In reality, its' nothing but plastic, a fake love shared. Resulting in heartful but false memories. _

"And make new memories.."

_But, even if it only means friendship, I will be there with you, as a true friend but not as your boyfriend. Not yet, I'm not ready. Just you wait, Kallen. I will make sure our memories together were true. _

"And continue to move forward.."

_Your belief in true love must have faded slightly. But I reassure you, I'm gonna make you fully believe once again. _

Kallen continued to cry. Tears began to fall from my eyes. My heart is to follow for now. Friendship is alright.

But I'll make changes and find an oppurtunity to love her. That's something that can make my mind and heart both agree on.

_Until, I become your official boyfriend.._

* * *

**A/N: You might be confused. I'll make it clear.**

**If you read the first chapter, he was doing everything to make her his. But then, he found out that she was taken . It broke his heart and decided to never fall for her again. A week later, he realizes that he's starting to love her again. In this chapter, his mind and heart are the two things he needs to follow. His mind tells him to lover her again and forgive her. His heart says not to be distracted when she's around because he knows he is over it. And just consider her as a friend. He find his heart injured from the scene. When he found out, she and her boyfriend broke up, his hopes began to rise..but his heart is still too weak to get the oppurtunity and love her. So in the end, he won't consider her his lover but as a true friend. His heart won for the meantime. However, he will have to keep his ties with her, in order to be together. Its' pretty obvious, he gave her a second chance.**

**Got it? Well, leave a review. Thank you/ Arigatou/Salamat! :)**

**Next up! Chapter 3- For The Second Time**

**Until next time ;)**

**~Dark Zero 1718**


	3. Chapter 3: For The Second Time

**Hello! I'm back with another chapter. Sorry if it took awhile! :P**

**DISCLAIMER: Code Geass does not belong to me.**

**Enjoy :)**

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_**Chapter 3: For The Second Time**_

After school, I walked Kallen home. She didn't ask me to, its' my own choice. As we arrived outside her doorstep, she turned to me.

"Thanks for everything today..." Kallen said. "...And for walking me home."

"Its' nothing." I said with a smile. _That's a lame answer_

"So, um, I'll see you tomorrow." she bid a goodbye and entered her house. I stood before the door for a while before walking my way home.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Its' weird..I never expected it to happen. That moment we shared a while ago..it was so intense. I can't get it out of my mind. When my hand made in contact with her head, I felt the texture of her hair. It was so soft and silky, like I want to bury my hands and face into it. I was right. Denying the fact that my feelings for her have never left me won't do anything to make me feel better. I'll just feel more anxious and uncomfortable about everything.

The truth hurts. I'm slowly starting to fall in love with her.

That sentence is echoing in my mind all day. Falling for someone who hurted you in the past. Its' ironic isn't it? I really wanted her to be my girlfriend, but my heart says I shouldn't be up for that yet. I must develop my friendship for her. Who knows, maybe she and Gino might get back together again.

_I wonder how long the pain will dwell inside me. _I thought as I sat on my bed. I looked at my reflection at the nearby mirror _What the heck has gotten into my mind? I already agreed that I won't let her barge into my life ever again and just see someone else. Yet now, my feelings for Kallen is starting to develop again. Just what do I really wanted to achieve? _ There were so many questions entering my head. No, not yet. She just my friend. Just my friend.

"Why is love even like this...tricking every heart that a person has.." I said under my breath. Then, I recieved a message. I checked my phone and the sender was Suzaku. I opened it up and it says:

_**Hey Lelouch! Sorry for my late text, I just woke up 5 minutes ago. I need to sit my fever out. Anyways, you wanted to ask me something right? What is it?**_

Perfect timing. I replied back:

_**Uh,yeah, its' fine. My question, how were you able to make your heart forgive the person who let you down?**_

_**From what I could remember, I just followed my instincts. That's all.**_

So, he just acted normally. Is it that easy for him to move on?

_**How many days does it take you?**_

_**It took me a couple of weeks to feel better..but it depends on how the person actually hurt you.**_

Now I can see it..

_**Right. Thanks,man**_

_**You got it. Anything else?**_

_**Yeah..I..gave her a second chance**_

I wasn't actually really happy when I texted that. He replied a few minutes later:

_**Wow! A SECOND CHANCE?! How come? I thought you're over her..**_

_**Gino broke up with her just today. But don't worry, my feelings for her returned BEFORE the breakup**_

_**I see. Well, that's strange..anyways, GTG. I need to study. Let's just talk about it tomorrow okay? I'll be going to school now since I'm feeling better. See ya! **_

_**Sure..see you as well.**_

Following my instincts with an injured heart takes struggle. How did Suzaku manage to recover from a heartache by just simply following his instincts? That guy really recovers fast from pains..even a fever. My mind rewinded back to the day I was completely heart broken. All those times..I often lock myself in my room and sulk all alone. Thinking about her every night before falling asleep and waking up with dry tears.

_Do I really love her that much?_

I yawned. Looks like dealing with my still love strucked conscience and a sick heart drained my energy. And the fact that Milly drove me into so much student council work. I laid down on my bed. Even if I'm still on my uniform, I don't care. I just want to sleep. Maybe it will make me feel better.

"I'll just close my eyes..for 10 minutes...yeah..ten minutes.." I muttered and immedietly fall asleep.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

**1 hour later..**

I woke up, still feeling drowsy. I looked at the clock and it seemd like an hour has passed. _Geez, I don't get why I can't get out of bed for 10 minutes. _I sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep off my eyes. Then suddenly, someone called. And I can't believe who actually called me.

Kallen.

I pressed the answer button "Y-yes?"

_"Hey,its me."_

"Hi, what's up? Feeling better?" I asked.

_"A little. Anyways, I've thought about something. Since you have done a lot for me today, I..um..wanted to ask if you want to hang out after school tomorrow..."_

She said..hang out. She said it right?

Hang. Out.

"Uh..s-sure! I don't see why not?" I responded lamely. _Damn it, Lelouch..you're such a lame dude._

_"Great. Thank you so much. Bye"_

"Yeah,bye." I hung up. Now THAT was a coincidence.

However, I musn't get too excited for this. She already hurted me in the first place.

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

**Next Day: Ashford Academy**

I walked through the school hallways ,finding my homeroom. Once I entered the classroom, I saw a familiar brunette guy that's sitting right beside my place.

_Suzaku's here. _I thought. I went over to my seat and sat back down.

"Welcome back, man" I greeted him with a smile.

"Its' good to be back again." Suzaku said. "How's your 'Kallen business'?"

"Its' going a bit uneasy.." I answered "She asked me to hang out with her later.''

"Now that's sweet.." he teasingly said. "I hope your heart will accept that."

"Yeah.." Honestly, I'm not sure. My heart is still kinda hurt, but I know the pain will go away soon. I hope.

**( After class )**

Once all my classes were cleared, I stood at the Ashford roof, waiting for her. So far, I'm experiencing these feelings that weren't meant to be felt when you're going out with a person who left you broken at some point. Nervousness and excitement. My heartbeats are going faster and my mind is in a complete disaster. I really CANNOT believe myself.

"I need to relax..otherwise I'll loose it." I said under my breath. I inhaled deeply to calm myself down and just looked at the view.

"Wow, you're early.." Kallen's voice reached my ears and I turned around.

I smiled "Yeah."

She walked to my side and turned her gaze at the scenery. "Its' beautiful." she said. "Do you think so?"

"Of course." I answered "I enjoy seeing it a lot."

There was a moment of awkward silence between before Kallen asked me something.

"Lelouch, have you ever experienced the feeling of being heartbroken?" she asked with a hint of sadness in her voice. I froze at her question.

"Uh.." I was in a loss of words. I looked into her eyes and my mind turned blank. "Actually I.."

"Sorry for asking this, but I just wanna know" Kallen said. I can see that she's about to tear up.

"No, I didn't." I lied. I WAS heartbroken. And SHE was the cause. If I tell her the truth, I would've hurt her more than the way Gino did. Even if I say I love her again, it won't work either. I'm NOT about to confess my feelings when she's like this.

''Ah, I see. You're quite lucky you know."

"Eh?"

"You don't have to waste your tears on some stupid breakup.." she stated. As far as I could notice, Kallen was trembling slightly. She was holding back her tears. "And you can laugh and smile without faking it.." this time, she let a lone tear escape.

_Kallen must have been suffering a lot after breaking up with Gino. What should I do to make her happy then?_

"Hey,now. Don't cry."

She wiped the tear off "Sorry, I can't help myself" then, she smiled sadly "I'm still a bit..upset..about what Gino did to me.." More tears flowed and she looked down to the ground. Her hair covering the sides of her face.

_Oh no, she's gonna cry again. I better do something!_

I took a step closer to her "Kallen..?" I called out her name in concern.

_Really? Just her name? Do something else, darn it!_

"Lelouch..I'm sorry. I just can't..." Kallen didn't get to finish when sobs suddenly wracked her body.

_I can't believe I'm doing this.._

Since I'm out of ideas to comfort her, I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. I knew she stiffened a bit but I continued to do it anyway.

"Its' alright to cry." I said softly.

"Lelouch..thank you." I heard her say and she returned the hug.

After a few seconds, we broke the embrace. Kallen smiled through her tears "I'm sorry that I made this..hang out a bit sad. I hope its' okay" she said.

"Its' alright. So um.. do you wanna..go for a walk around the campus?" I asked her. I felt my face heat up.

"Yeah, fine with me." Kallen replied.

I smiled again and wiped any streaks of wet drops around her eyes.

"Let's go."

_That's right. We will make new memories together. I'll make sure that it will stay in our hearts..especially yours, Kallen. I'll do everything for you. And that..will be the second time._

We exited the roof for a better hang out. Just like what true friends do.

* * *

**Once again, I'm very sorry that its came out late! I did this last last week actually. I just forgot to post it. Chapter 4 will be updated soon! I didn't came up with a title so..yeah. Don't forget to leave a review.**

** That's all! ****Until next time! ^.^**

**~Dark Zero 1718**


	4. Chapter 4: Dreams And Memories

**Sorry for the late update! SUPER SORRY! :P**

**I apologize for any typos and grammatical errors. I'm not a perfect person and my computer sometimes changes a random sentence here.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Code Geass.**

**End of A/N. Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Chapter 4: Dreams And Memories**_

We walked to this deck where we can see the view of the sea and the other side of the city. Its' only a few streets away and most of the students in Ashford visit this place in their free time. I've never been here before. And I'm sure Kallen doesn't either. Suzaku and I would often just roam the cities but except here.

"Wow, this place is amazing.." Kallen said in amazement. Her eyes sparkled like the stars and my heart raced. I felt my face heat up from the thought but I shook those thoughts away and just watched it with her.

"Have you been here?" she asked.

I looked at her and smiled "Honestly, its' my first time. Rivalz told me about it. So I thought this was a good place to hang out." I responded.

"Well, that was a great choice of yours. Gino would just take me into some cafe." Kallen's voice softened at her last sentence. I can see why. She's still a bit heartbroken. And everytime she mentions or think of Gino, it only makes her melancholy return to her heart. Just like my experience, when I was in the same situation as her. But I shouldn't think about that right now. This is the perfect place for confessions. But I want to savor this moment. I just kept my mouth shut and looked back at the scenery.

_Do the confession...when the time is right. Its' time for new memories._

"So..." I started, breaking the awkward silence. "..How long have you been with Gino?" I asked absentmindedly. I turned my gaze at her and she seemed a bit thrown off. Then, I realized the question I gave her.

_No, no, NO! Wrong question! I'm sure as heck that she's crying on the inside. What to do..come on, think! THINK! _ I panicked inside. Fearing that my stupid question will spoil everything, I did my best to say something else that will make her snap out of it.

"Uh..nevermind, my question! Just f-forget about it..." I had a hard time on forming my words. She's still silent and emotionless. This moment is going to be over soon. Great job, Lelouch! You just made her feel sadness again. And it happened on the first memory. I got nervous when she suddenly looked at me with her eyes, blank and devoid of expression.

"Lelouch.." Kallen began. I turned into a nervous-wreck when she called my name. Wait, why am I nervous at all? Apologize to her,for goodness sake!

"Look, I'm sorry about my question. Don't beat me up." I said. _The heck did I just tell her?! She might get the wrong idea! Well..she has a strong spirit after all._

I was shocked when she started laughing. Is it just me or my poor apology to her?

"W-what so funny?"

Kallen stopped her laugh trip and smiled "Idiot. I'm not going to beat you up of course." she said. "I was just silent because, I was trying to remember. Honestly, I was caught off guard. But that doesn't mean I'm going to punch you square in the face."

"K-Kallen..." I'm in a loss of words. That was unexpected. "You should have at least gave me a sign.."

"Well, sorry about that." Kallen said "But let me remind you that I'm not a girl who's like one of those overemotional retards begging for attention."

"Of course, you're not. I hate those types too, you know." I said.

"I mean, who wouldn't? They're so annoying and irritating at the same time."

I chuckled "I know they are. You would rather push her down a cliff." The sun started to set. I opened up my phone to check the time. Its' 4:30 in the afternoon.

"Kallen, its' 4:30. We have to go."

"Yeah."

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

When we arrived at her house, Kallen smiled at me. "Our hang out was short isn't it? But I enjoyed our time at the deck." she said.

I smiled back "That's great. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Right. Bye, Lelouch." Kallen waved and walked to her door. Something clicked in my mind. And before she grabs the doorknob, I called out to her.

"Kallen, wait!" With that, she turned around. "Yes?"

"I just want to ask if you wanna..." I bit my lip and I think that I'm blushing in front of her. I pulled myself together and finished my question. "Do you want to walk with me to school?"

_There, I said it. What's your response, Kallen?_

Kallen thought about for a while. After a matter of seconds she nodded "Sure. I'll meet you here at 7:30. Just send a text."

"Cool. I'll see you then." I said. She gave me one last smile before finally entering her house. When she was out of sight, I walked away with a grin on my face. I have no idea why am I excited about this. Its' only a walk to school. But that doesn't matter to me now. It will be part of the memories we will recreate.

_Yes, my feelings for her never faded. And I think..I accept that. But still, is it really necessary? Oh, screw that thought, Lelouch. You're done dealing with that. It was real. Our bonding a while ago was real. I'm still in love with her..and that's real. I musn't let them go to waste._

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

I stretched out my arms after spending two hours of homework and reviewing for my Chemistry quiz tomorrow. I rested them on the armrests of my chair, slumped on it and sighed heavily. I let random thoughts enter my brain. But among them, I chose to think of Kallen. I have always wondered what's she's doing right now.

_Should I call her? No, that won't be a good idea. Maybe, a text? Nope. Can't do that either. I wonder what to do.._

Sighing again, I looked up at the ceiling. I'm bored out of my mind. I looked at my phone on my clattered desk, thinking what should I do with it. I picked it up and opened it. And to my surprise, I recieved a text from Kallen twenty minutes ago. Wait, twenty minutes? I began to read and it says:

_**Hey. Let's just meet at 7:35. Would that be okay? :-)**_

Why didn't my stupid phone vibrate? Dammit, I must reply right away. I bet she's losing her patience back there. I texted back:

_**Kallen, I'm sorry I replied late. Yes, 7:35 is fine by me. :P**_

I was expecting an unhappy reply from her. Then, my phone vibrated. How come it didn't, a while ago? Well, screw that. Time to read her reply.

_**I was about to lose patience, ya know :D Just kidding.. That's great, then. See ya, Lelouch! ;)**_

When I read that, I felt a sense of excitement coursing my body. I can't help but put a huge smile on my face. I got too carried away by her text and lost control of my words.

_**Sweet dreams when u sleep tonight :)**_

"Wait, did I just tell her..." I glanced back at the screen and jaw dropped at my reply. "No! That's the wrong..!" But it was too late. It was already delivered to her. I slapped my palm on my forehead. What the heck is going on with me? Nevermind. I just congratulated myself for not going too far. If I do, then it might even be my confession to her. Kallen replied:

_**Uh..thanks? U too then. **_

Well, that's a fine reply. Now, all I need to do is to wait for tomorrow to come. The day when another memory will be born. I just hope it goes well though. As the time passes by, my mind drifted off back in the past..

**~Flashback~**

_It was a beautiful Saturday morning. Everyone's seem to be enjoying this day, since it's school break. Except for me._

_Not beacuse it's boring or something like that. My heart is sick and injured. To put it simply, I'm heartbroken._

_I've prepared for our love so much...I did everything. I wasted my days and nights, for nothing. All my efforts...is nothing but garbage._

_I stared blankly at the wooden surface of my desk. I showed no signs of movement on my chair. I'm completely frozen, with my raven hair covering my face. My tears are threatning to escape my eyes. I tried to hold them back..but I failed when a picture of a red haired girl flashed in my mind._

_It hurts.._

_So bad.._

_It hurts so bad.._

_I'm such a moron. None of this would happened to me, if only I..didn't fall for her._

_I have been waiting for her.._

_For a long time already.._

_But now..the only thing I can do.._

_...Is to let her go._

_''Kallen..you.." I whispered as a single teardrop landed on my desk. More memories, I remember. When I saw Kallen and Gino, making out. I clenched my fists. I felt so..mad and broken right now..!_

_"TSK! DAMMIT!" I screamed. I really can't take it anymore! The pain is so big..so..so..! "It wouldn't have been..much better if I hadn't fallen in love with her in the first place!"_

_...So difficult to resist. I ran a hand through my hair and leaned back on the chair. This..this is giving a very bad headache..I just..don't understand it! Is this..true love? Is this how it goes? How will I ever know the answer..if she's already taken? I folded my arms on the table and rested my head on it. Sobs took over me and I couldn't stop it. Luckily, I managed to silent myself when I heard a squeaking noise from my door._

_"Lelouch, dear? Are you alright? I heard you shout something. What's wrong?" the soft voice of my mother said. I slightly raised my head from my arms and immedietly wiped my tears._

_"Mom..it's nothing. Don't worry about me." I said quietly._

_"Are you sure?" she asked "You look so depressed about something..."_

_"I'm fine." I lied._

_Mother sat beside me and looked at me straight in the eye "Lelouch, it's okay. You can tell me what's wrong. I'll try to help."_

_I sighed and looked at the floor. "I.." I began. "I..!" Suddenly, I broke into fits of soft sobs. "It's over, Mom. The person I have been waiting to love, to hold and to be with, is..taken."_

_"What? You mean, Kallen? She's in a relationship?"_

_I nodded. "Yes..and all the things I've been doing for her..was all for nothing." I put on a sad smile while the warm drops of my tears raced down my cheeks. "You know what that means?" I paused for a brief moment._

_"What does that mean, honey?" Mother asked and she seemed to get more worried._

_"..I have to let her go. And do you think that enslaving yourself in things like practicing confessions or whatsoever just to win you crush's heart and in the end, it's all useless, ever a good thing? No, right? It's too damn painful! Kallen Kozuki is never gonna become a part of my life! She's taken, and that's final!" I cried out. Mother pulled me into a warm embrace. And I bury face into her shoulder and hugged her back. It's too much. I really can't take it. "Tell me..what should do?"_

_"Oh Lelouch..don't feel sad."_

_I can't let go of her.._

_She's already too close to me.._

_Even if we haven't talked..I have to win her in order to make that happened. But right now.._

_..It's all over._

_"Why won't you sleep for a few hours? It might make you feel better." she suggested. I responded with a nod. We broke the embrace and she led me to my bed. I laid my head on the soft pillow. I'm still dressed casually..but now..I don't anymore. I'm tired from the heavy pain in my chest._

_"Mom..how can I forget her?" I asked._

_"Honey, you need to relax for now." Mother comforted and spread the blanket all over my body. "Just sleep, okay? You'll be fine." She leaned closer to me and planted a kiss on my forehead. "Sleep well, son."_

_I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off into a light slumber._

**~End of Flashback~**

That was one of the moments that I couldn't forget. But that's not really affecting me anymore. I moved on from that level. And I don't want to repeat the same mistake again.

"If only..this happened way before..it would be much better. But I don't care about that anymore.."

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

_The school gym was adorned with fancy, handmade and colorful decorations. Everyone is dressed in a formal attire, including me. I wore a black tuxido and black shoes to match. My hair stayed the same, I don't wanna look too flashy._

_Among all the events we had, the school dance was the most prestigious one in all our lives. It's like giving us a chance to know the meaning and feel the warmth of love. I've been looking forward to this day for months already. It's because I can dance with her. The beautiful girl I know..Kallen Kozuki._

_I stumbled around the gym, searching for her. The dance is going to start in a few minutes and I really need a partner right now. I bet Kallen's the perfect match, Then finally, I have found her. She's sitting alone in the bleachers, watching everything. Her sparkling sapphire orbs looked lonely,yet beautiful enough to make me lost in it. I can't believe my eyes, she looks so..gorgeous. I have never imagined that she would look this stunning. I took a deep breath and began to walk towards her._

_Kallen saw me coming. "Hey." she greeted._

_"What's wrong? Why are you alone here?" I asked as I sat beside her._

_"I..I just wanna take a break. These high heels are killing my feet." she replied. "We're gonna start dancing in any minute right?''_

_"Yeah. Do you have a partner in mind, yet?"_

_She shook her head. "I don't know who to dance with, honestly. In fact, I think almost all of the boys here are occupied. Gino didn't attend, but it's okay for me. I don't wanna see him anymore..after breaking up with him."_

_A sad expression was casted on her comely features. It looks so pitiful, not that I'm pretending of course. I don't want to let her live a melancholic life. Kallen won't be able to cherish the memories we're creating because of the unbearable pain that's buried at the bottom of her heart. I remembered that time, when she cried on my shoulder. She asked me to help her. Help her move on. _

_So I shall be the one to dance with her and let that pain fade into the shadows. Just like what she wanted me to do. ''I'll be your partner."_

_"Huh?" Kallen asked, surprised by my sudden offer. "You're..going to dance with me?"_

_"Yeah. You can't just sit here and watch. This event only happeneds once, so you better enjoy the night while we're at it. Or..it might even help you feel better."_

_She remained silent for a brief moment then, smiled. "Alright. I'll dance with you, Lelouch. Thank you."_

_"Don't mention it."_

_Then, Milly's voice came out from the speakers. "Attention all students! We will start the dance now! Grab your partners and step on the dance floor! Move along now, everyone!" she declared proudly._

_I stood up and offered my hand to her. "May I have this dance?"_

_"It will be my pleasure." Kallen said. She took a hold of my hand and stood up. Then, we walked down the court and positioned ourselves. We turned to each other and placed my right hand on hers and my other on her waist. Her other hand rested on my left shoulder._

_The music played, we started to dance._

_I have to make sure, I shouldn't screw this up. In every move we make, there was grace and peace. Whenever she twirls around with one hand on mine, I couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she looks._

_"You're good." I complimented her._

_"Nah, I just follow the basics. You're the leading one, here." she chuckled. "Lelouch, you know what? When you came along to my life, I..I always liked you. I have been always willing to confess it to you. But I don't have the courage to tell you. However, I don't feel that way anymore. I love you."_

_I smiled brightly at her. "And I love you too..I've been waiting for you.."_

_As the song ends, I pulled her into a warm embrace. I felt her return the hug and when we broke apart, we kissed._

...

My eyes snapped open. Damn, it was all just a dream. But it felt so real to me. I was dancing with her and then we kissed again. Why do I keep dreaming of her? Whatever, it felt good.

...

I tossed and turned on my bed, unable to go back to sleep. It's like only 5:30 in the morning, which is very early for me. I forced to close my eyes, but they would snap open every ten seconds. I hate situations like this. I really have no idea what is happening to me. I'm tired and I can't sleep, I feel kind of anxious but I don't know why. Heck, if I fall asleep in class, it would be embarrassing. Well, I do doze off sometimes, but not when Kallen is around. I laid there for a while before I got bored and sat up.

"I wonder what should I do.." I muttered. I crawled out of bed and exited my room. The house was very quiet and it's still quite dark around. I went over to the nearby comfort room and stopped by a mirror. I examined myself, there were dark rings under my eyes and dishevelled hair.

Sighing heavily, I turned up the faucet and proceeded to wash my face. After drying up, I walked downstairs for a glass of water.

_Feelings will never fade if your love for that person has an iron grip onto your heart. Now I know why..even if she's taken, I still can't stop falling for her. It's very ironic to me. So..that's why I felt so down when she was dating Gino._

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

I walked with her to school today, just what we planned to do. Lucky for Kallen though, she looks so normal and doesn't show any signs of uneasiness at all. Well, in my situation, I was sweating like a pig and kind of frozen in my spine. My eyes were glued on the ground. It's a good thing that I can still get my legs to move, but heck, look at me in the inside! I..I don't look well. Now she's going to think I'm a weird guy or something.

"Hey..you don't look so good. You okay there?" Kallen asked. So she saw my ridiculously anxious state? Great.

"Eh? A-ah..no..n-not at all." I stuttered. Damn embarrasing. "I was just..thinking about a lot of things, that's all."

She chuckled. "Well, you better snap out of your stupor, we're going to cross the road now."

"Ah, yes."

_I should have been more careful with my words earlier. How foolish of me._

When the traffic light turned red, all the vehicles stopped. As we were about to cross, Kallen's legs suddenly buckled somehow and began to trip.

"W-what the-!"

"Kallen!"

Without even thinking twice of show should I prevent her from falling, I slipped both of my arms around her waist. I saved her...in an awkward position..sort of. I can my face turning pure red. The awkwardness between us was so thick that no one could break it.

"O-oh.." Kallen was in a loss of words. She was blushing as well. Damn, this has gone overboard.

"Are you..alright?"

"Yeah, t-thank you."

I let go of her and looked away flushed with embarrassment.

After we made it to the other side of the road, we caught a glimpse of Ashford Academy. It took us 10 more than minutes to get to the school gate. Just in time.

''Well..my first period will start in any minute. And um, I have to prepare for my test today.." Kallen told me.

"So..you'll go on ahead?" I asked. "It's fine. We can catch up later. Are you free?"

"Yeah." she replied. "What, you wanna hang out again?"

"U-um..''

Kallen grinned. "If you decline, it's fine. We'll go out another time."

"No, no. It's alright, I'll go." I said with a smile. "Go to class. You'll never know, they're already starting the test."

"You're right. See you later." Kallen bid a goodbye to me and she ran off. I heaved a sigh and headed to my respective homeroom. After settling down on my seat, I folded my arms on the table and rested my head on them. I need to catch up on my sleep, while I wait for my teacher to come.

I heard Suzaku's voice beside me. "You don't seem to be in your element today.." he said. "Did something happened between you and Kallen, again?"

"We're doing fine. We're still on the first stages of friendship." I answered, not bothering to raise my head. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wanted to check my still lovestrucked friend. I mean, you said that you still have feelings for her..so you can't deny my opinion."

I raised my head and glanced at him. "Are you teasing me again?"

He smirked. "I can't say I'm not. This is your love life we're talking about, man. And I'm your best friend, so I have the right to tease you." he said. Then, his smirk died and was replaced by a genuine smile. "But hey, since I said that, I'll support you. If you need a tip, I'll try my best to help."

"Thanks, dude." I said. "Well, it's my turn now. I know you're in love with my cousin, Euphemia. I just knew it." I feel so evil at the moment.

Suzaku looked at me with wide eyes. "..e-excuse me?"

"Hmph, you do, do you?"

"Erm...we..uh.." He suddenly groaned. "Ugh. But please don't tell anyone, would you?"

"Sure thing."

"..Yes. I love her. I'm planning to tell her my feelings for her soon. I need to prepare first. Despite the fact that she studies at another school, we could always meet up at the cafe together. She works part time there."

"I see. Well, I wish you two a happy ending. But no..nevermind. Just don't go too far."

"Got it."

**( After class )**

I was about to head outside the building until a hand grabbed my shoulder. _Huh? _ I turned around. The guy standing before me was, Gino Weinberg. Kallen's ex-boyfriend.

_Double crap! If he finds out that I'm in love with her, then I'm screwed! _ My mind screamed and panicked, thinking of what to do or what to say. I know, they're no longer a couple, but ex-boyfriends can get really bent out of shape whenever they see their former lover going out with someone. Gino is hot-blooded and a really hyperactive optimist. When it comes to love, he considers it a life and death situation. No offense to him, but that's really exagerating.

_What the hell should I do?_

Despite these rants going on inside me, I acted naturally and decided to just follow my instincts.

"Yes, Gino?" I asked him. As he was thinking of an answer, I observed him carefully. Dry tears were eminent on his face and he kept a rather downcasted look.

_Does he know that Kallen and I shared a bond ever since the breakup? Why does it look like that he just found a dirty secret or something?_

"Lelouch..can I talk to you for a while?" Gino's voice sounded rough and very soft. Normally, he would raise his voice every time he interacts with someone.

"About what?" I really don't like where this is going.

He breathe in a huge amount of oxygen and exhaled. He looked me in the eye. "It's about Kallen. Do you mind?"

_Say yes, say yes, say yes. Tell him you have things to do._

"Ah, no..not at all.."

_No no no no NO!_

"Thank you.." Gino said and dragged me further into the hallways.

"Sure.."

_Lelouch, you big idiot. Now, there's going to be more love-life problems._

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

We stayed in an empty classroom. Gino sat across me and he gaped me, as if he's suspecting something from me. The look in his eyes were curious and heartbreaking at the same time. Honestly speaking, I kind of pity him and felt guilty of myself. He and Kallen must have done a lot of vivid memories filled with such neon colors and mirth. From what I had acknowledged, both of them seemed so happy everytime they're together.

Now, look at it now..with their precious bond broken, those memories fade away little by little. And as for this guilty side of mine, I have always wondered if I'm someone who steals love away from others. Maybe because, I was yearning for love to embrace me. But my first attempt to experience it was a total breakdown. Instead, I was thrown into the depths of hardship..the struggle to move on from such a painful experience.

"So...what do you want me to know?"

"Not much. But I only dragged you here to answer one question. Just one. Will you?"

"Well, this should be easy.." I said in amusement. "What's that question then?"

...

"You..do you ever try or have feelings..towards Kallen?"

I feel like a sandbag just landed on my stomach. He asked me one of the most personal questions in my life. My feelings for this girl.._his _girl.

"..."

Sweat drizzled down my face and my hands began to feel all cold and wet. My legs went numb and no words came out from me. My brain tried to come up with something appropriate to say. Something that can exactly answer his question without admitting my feelings towards her at all.

"Feelings for her..that's..''

_I'm making it too obvious for him..there's no way out of this.._

''I.."

I'm so screwed. Congratulations to me.

* * *

**Gotta stop with that cliffhanger there..lol XD**

**I haven't updated this for MONTHS already. So..as an apology, I made this chapter longer for you guys! I'll try my best to be more active in this story. I'm deeply sorry everyone, I can't keep in touch with my stories everyday because, I have to concentrate on my studies. This year's semester has became more hardcore than last year. So please bare with my long absences. There will be an upcoming school break next month..I guess? I dunno, but surely there will. Maybe that's the time I'll be active constantly. :)**

**Please review. The next chapter's title is unkown..again. Stay awesome and do not hesistate to give me suggestions. I'll always appreciate them ^^**

**Until next time,**

**~Dark Zero 1718**


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